fear and loathing in stellenbosch

to be quite frank, i've been growing increasingly depressed with each passing day that i've been here, but i'm proud to say that as of yesterday, i'm "turning a new leaf," as the expression goes, and am entering a new era of contentment with regards to my stay in south africa. unfortunately, however, that means that yesterday, i hit rock bottom.

it was a bad day that just so happened to get so much worse. i went on an excursion with several other american students that was organized by my study abroad program to a wine farm in the town of windmill. as you can guess, everyone made asses of themselves and lived up to american stereotypes by getting totally wasted off the wine samples that were served. unfortunately, though, it gets worse.

this weekend was the stellenbosch wine festival, and ciee (my study abroad program) informed us that we could go into town for the festival, but we'd have to arrange our own transportation home. so, 6 other ciee students and i went in on a shuttle together back to cape town. the shuttle was supposed to leave stellenbosch at 6pm. at 5:45, i received a text from one of the 5 people i wasn't with at the time (i'll hide her name so as not to incriminate her) informing me that the shuttle driver had wanted to leave, and so they were already ON THE ROAD back to cape town.

all of this means, then, that agnes (the friend of mine who i had been exploring the festival with) and i were stranded in a town an hour's drive from home, in a foreign country, at dusk, surrounded by highly intoxicated people. it was miserable. i called his "friend" of mine who was on the shuttle, and she told me that she was "sure" we could find a way home – even though we'd already paid the shuttle service to take us back to cape town. she also said she'd tried to call me, which i'm skeptical of because my phone didn't say i had any missed calls.

in essence, these people, who i thought were my friends, ditched agnes and i in a foreign environment. unbelieveable! to make matters worse, none of the 5 contacted us for the rest of the day to see if we were okay or had made it back to cape town. in all honesty, the whole ordeal proved that these 5 individuals completely lacked any concern for agnes's or my well-being, and as an individual who places an extremely high value on my friendships, i found this absolutely devastating.

agnes and i got fortunate. we somehow found the director of the festival, who got one of her employees to drive us back to cape town. it could have been a lot worse, but we were blessed enough to have been able to take advantage of a safe opportunity. agnes and i were truly lucky to get home.

upon returning home, i had an extended period of self-reflection, during which i pondered the significance of my social connections, not to mention the meaning of friendship in itself. in the end, i've decided that i am too self-respecting and too driven by my own independent inclinations to let this go by. i ran into 2 of the 5 girls today while i was out in rondebosch, and they apologized, but honestly, i don't think they realized the gravity of the effect they had on me (not only leaving agnes and me at the festival, but more significantly, showing a complete lack of concern for our well-being). that all being said, i've decided to make some plans to my way of life while living here in south africa:

- not allow myself to become susceptible to the actions or plans of others, especially when they're not in my own interest. i need to be my own person and realize what's right for me. (i feel like this is a recurring problem in my life.)
- become more confident in my own independence. this study abroad program has, so far, felt like freshman year all over again, in which there is the mad rush to make friends so you're not alone. that, however, is not how true friendships are formulated.
- make a point of only spending time with individuals who i actually want to be around. this includes agnes (of course), jill (my lovely suitemate), liz, sean, brigid, and sara. (i'm sorry to say that i haven't spent nearly enough time with those last 4 individuals; that has got to change.)
- devote more of my time to my studies. in the past week or so, i've felt pretty down, so i've been watching way too much television. this is a trend that must be curtailed immediately; after all, my reason for being here is to study.
- make a point to enjoy myself. after all, i've only got 16 weeks left here. i've got to make each of them count.

today, i woke up a new man. i cut my losses, got dressed, and went to church with liz. afterward, i stopped by pic-n-pay (where i bought really cute notebooks whose covers are written in afrikaans!), came home, and studied. in the evening, i went over to liz's place, where the 5 of us discussed our travel plans for michaelmas break. (right now, we're planning on going to kgalagadi park as well as namibia.)

another week is about to commence, and i'm feeling more hopeful then ever before. like i said, my time here is extremely limited, and it's up to me, and only me, to achieve the most enjoyable experience possible. :)