days since getting sick: 49.
i really need to stop trying to make my flight plans through student travel services. last night, i was on their website trying to book a one-way flight home for christmas for the seemingly fabulous rate of $170 (you will remember from a previous entry that i am having to do this because the student travel agent i worked with a few weeks ago was unwilling to help me rebook my flight to visit the infamous § as my flight home for christmas). anyway, i clicked through all the screens, and it told me that my rate magically rose to $190. so i thought, "okay, $20 isn't so bad." except it wouldn't let me actually BOOK my flight, so i resolved to go to the travel agency in person to buy my ticket.
this morning, i dragged myself to the travel agency, and while my least favorite travel agent ever was working there, there was also a woman on duty, so i just went ahead and talked to her. she took FOREVER to find the flight i found in 5 minutes, except she said it was $220. hmm, that's a little more than i had bargained for, but since it was still cheaper than booking outside of student travel, i said okay.
agent: "you do have our student travel card, right? otherwise, you won't get this special rate."
1. it's not "special" because it's $50 more than it was originally.
2. i shouldn't need a "student" travel card because i already am a student.
but the ticket without this magic card was $400+, which was more than i saw on the cheapest of the non-student travel flights (about $280), so i decided to shell out the $20 for the card. this brought my rate up to $240 — $70 more than i had seen 12 hours before. whatever. i booked my flight, and long story short, i'll be coming home for christmas on december 19. the agent asked me if i wanted to book my return flight home too. all i could do was roll my eyes and say "noooo."
i hate living so far from home that i have to fly every time i go.
joe will be none too happy to hear that i want to book our flight to europe (!!!) through student travel after he reads this story. he hates lousy customer service almost as much as i do.
other than the fiasco that was this morning (which was supplemented by my realization that i have my 2nd midterm in international politics on thurs.), life is okay. i sent in my absentee ballot yesterday. jeffrey got into arizona state, which was great except he still doesn't know if he got into their college of music, so we'll see how that one goes. grandma is coming in 8 days, so it will be nice to have some family in town again. i spent most of this last weekend hanging out with joe, which was fine by me because i was too exhausted from midterms to even think about going to a party, much less a club. yvette keeps on talking about minnesota, and depending on when she goes, i might try to go with. it's getting colder and colder outside. i want to go on a date again. i miss that.
as yvette would say: LIFE.
28 October 2008
23 October 2008
i didn't always used to be like this...
days since getting sick: 44.
wow, apparently a lot more people read my blog than i thought, because i had several people get in contact with me regarding my recent entries, and specifically my entry from last night. people are saying i've been acting different lately, and that they're worried about me.
if you're one of those people, i'm sorry for worrying you. i'm just under a lot of stress right now, primarily school-wise (this is the week of midterm hell) but also emotional as well...
but like the title of this entry says, i didn't always used to be like this. and you know what? i won't always be like this either.
i took some advice from my dad today, on friends and friendships. i know i'm not supposed to do this, but i'm already a happier person for having done so.
plus, i still have my faith that everything will turn out all right.
*******************************
when you try your best, but you don't succeed
when you get what you want, but not what you need
when you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
stuck in reverse
and the tears come streaming down your face
when you lose something you can't replace
when you love someone, but it goes to waste
could it be worse?
lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
and i will try to fix you
and high up above or down below
when you're too in love to let it go
but if you never try you'll never know
just what you're worth
lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
and i will try to fix you
tears stream down your face
when you lose something you cannot replace
tears stream down your face
and i...
tears stream down on your face
i promise you i will learn from my mistakes
tears stream down your face
and i...
lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
and i will try to fix you.
wow, apparently a lot more people read my blog than i thought, because i had several people get in contact with me regarding my recent entries, and specifically my entry from last night. people are saying i've been acting different lately, and that they're worried about me.
if you're one of those people, i'm sorry for worrying you. i'm just under a lot of stress right now, primarily school-wise (this is the week of midterm hell) but also emotional as well...
but like the title of this entry says, i didn't always used to be like this. and you know what? i won't always be like this either.
i took some advice from my dad today, on friends and friendships. i know i'm not supposed to do this, but i'm already a happier person for having done so.
plus, i still have my faith that everything will turn out all right.
*******************************
when you try your best, but you don't succeed
when you get what you want, but not what you need
when you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
stuck in reverse
and the tears come streaming down your face
when you lose something you can't replace
when you love someone, but it goes to waste
could it be worse?
lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
and i will try to fix you
and high up above or down below
when you're too in love to let it go
but if you never try you'll never know
just what you're worth
lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
and i will try to fix you
tears stream down your face
when you lose something you cannot replace
tears stream down your face
and i...
tears stream down on your face
i promise you i will learn from my mistakes
tears stream down your face
and i...
lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
and i will try to fix you.
22 October 2008
six months ago
in reflection of my blog entry from april 2nd.
WHY DIDN'T I JUST STICK TO THE FUCKING PLAN.
chad and joe are right, i should have done the seminar at ihs. and that apartment in silver spring was fucking amazing, if for no reason* other than the fact that it was a lot closer to the metro. (compare: potential apartment situation in silver spring to actualized apartment situation in college park)
instead, i exhausted myself working 40+ hours a week, didn't see enough of my family, and came home every day to a hovel of an apartment. moorpark's classes would have been a whole lot cheaper than gw's, too, and as general education requirements they would have looked just as nice on my transcript.
now, at what point do i lose the right to attribute all of this to being a "learning experience" and gain the right to attribute this to me being a total freaking dumbass who doesn't think things through and now is just fucking up his life? (let it be known that i didn't used to be like this. i used to be much more rational, reasonable, and emotionally balanced.)
i also fucked up my class schedule for this semester as well, but today's midterm in sociology makes me feel a little less fearful about failing this semester altogether.
days since getting sick: 43.
*also, silver spring, unlike college park, isn't in the middle of the ghetto.
edit, 3:51 a.m.: i can't sleep because i am too fucking upset with myself about this summer.
WHY DIDN'T I JUST STICK TO THE FUCKING PLAN.
chad and joe are right, i should have done the seminar at ihs. and that apartment in silver spring was fucking amazing, if for no reason* other than the fact that it was a lot closer to the metro. (compare: potential apartment situation in silver spring to actualized apartment situation in college park)
instead, i exhausted myself working 40+ hours a week, didn't see enough of my family, and came home every day to a hovel of an apartment. moorpark's classes would have been a whole lot cheaper than gw's, too, and as general education requirements they would have looked just as nice on my transcript.
now, at what point do i lose the right to attribute all of this to being a "learning experience" and gain the right to attribute this to me being a total freaking dumbass who doesn't think things through and now is just fucking up his life? (let it be known that i didn't used to be like this. i used to be much more rational, reasonable, and emotionally balanced.)
i also fucked up my class schedule for this semester as well, but today's midterm in sociology makes me feel a little less fearful about failing this semester altogether.
days since getting sick: 43.
*also, silver spring, unlike college park, isn't in the middle of the ghetto.
edit, 3:51 a.m.: i can't sleep because i am too fucking upset with myself about this summer.
21 October 2008
on friends and friendships
days since getting sick: 42 (i still have tummyaches and dizzy spells so this count persists. don't worry, i'm going back to the doctor).
just a few quick thoughts on the topic of friendship while i take a well-deserved break from cramming for midterms.
just a few quick thoughts on the topic of friendship while i take a well-deserved break from cramming for midterms.
- if you don't oppose proposition 8, then you're not a very supportive friend of mine. it's not a religion issue, it's a civil rights issue. and if you are in favor of prop 8, then you are not in favor of me having rights. if you don't think i should have the right to marry, then i don't think you should have the right to have an abortion, or have cookies before bedtime, or whatever.
- it's human nature for people to talk about each other. but when it devolves into talking trash about your friends, then it makes me question the nature of the friendship as a whole.
- on a related note, if i am acting oddly, don't assume it's solely to garner your attention. and don't tell everyone else that that's why i'm acting as such.
- i know that i can be overly emotional, outrageously tactless, and irritatingly stubborn. you don't need to point these things out to me every time we talk.
- if you want to have a good political argument with me, bring it on, but remember that my beliefs are highly inconsistent with each other and will therefore most likely not even close to what you believe in. there is no need to try to hit me over the head with your own ideology.
- don't try to cheat me out of money.
- don't complain to me for not inviting you out to lunch. you could have done the same.
- don't get mad at me for not inviting you to crash at my place after you get smashed at apex on a thursday night (which i didn't attend) and then act all nonchalant toward me while complaining about my alleged lack of thoughtlessness to my other friends.
- if i tell you that i have a crush on you, don't pretend that you didn't hear me.
- there is no need to remind me that you are x years younger than me (in cases where x > 4). hey, you're the one hanging out with the college kid, and in all likelihood, i've had more life experiences than you anyway.
- on a related note, if you have y more degrees of higher education (in cases where y is any positive non-zero integer) than i do, you don't have to remind me of that either.
- just shut up and help me bury the body. (just kidding... in a literal sense, at least)
- i will ask you one more time: are you, or are you not, dating him?
- remember: i know your secrets.
09 October 2008
how i lost $120
days since getting sick: 29.
someone once said that bad things always happen in threes, and if nothing else, yesterday was indisputable proof for me of that. not one, not two, but three guys in my life showed their true colors yesterday (read: they demonstrated their genuine douchebaggery) and thus turned me off from interacting with them anymore. one was a former flame who ignored me upon passing him on 22nd street, one was a friend with potential who brought up the "friend from home," and one was a potential date who turned out to be the biggest meathead on the planet.
i guess it's a sign that i'm beginning to accept the fact that i'm single — and, frankly, will probably be for a very long time — because i was more pissed off by what happened at the student travel agency than by any of the aforementioned manboys. you see, last march, i bought airline tickets to visit the infamous § in florida. when it turned out that i couldn't go, i was able to easily get a refund for my ticket on airtran from washington to ft. lauderdale. the return ticket, however, was more complicated. i booked it on delta, through student travel, on a flight from ft. lauderdale to new york (where i was going to see my brother in performance at carnegie hall). i called delta, in march, to try to get it refunded. they wouldn't, but they said that i could use the cost of the flight, minus a penalty fee, as a voucher toward any future flight. okay, fine. so i decided to use this voucher toward my flight home for christmas.
i went to the travel agency yesterday and told this to the agent. he rolled his eyes at me and said that i probably didn't have any voucher. but he called delta anyway and found out that i was right ("oh, really? that's surprises me," he said to the representative on the phone with an arched eyebrow). but then he crunched the numbers with me. you see, i bought the ticket for $120. delta charges a penalty fee of $75, which should leave me with $45. however, since i booked the flight through student travel they charged me their own penalty of $25. so by that time, i was down to $20, but hey it's better than nothing so i was more than willing to use it for a flight. hmm, apparently not. the agent told me that my voucher is only good for flights on the ft. lauderdale --> new york route. what the heck?!!? i have never even heard of an airline of pulling such shit like that.
by this point, i was so pissed off by the agent's negligent and cavalier attitude that i left, without even having bought my ticket to go home in december. and even though i was planning on going ahead and buying my ticket at the agency regardless, i was so ticked by the fact that the agent wasn't willing to help me out that i decided to just take care of it online at home. as someone who used to work in the service sector, i am always very put off by poor customer service, but i digress.
this incident, in conjunction with the heart attack i nearly had after seeing my visa bill for last month, made me realize the necessity of me being a little more conservative with my money. or, maybe, i need to be more reserved in general: i am sick of meeting all these guys and them turning out to be assholes, usually before anything even begins. and the best way to avoid this, of course, is not to even meet them in the first place. perhaps, then, this is the best course of action for me to take for now. for in the end, a new boy is like a roundtrip flight: he seems to be taking you somewhere at first, but in the end, you're right back where you started.
someone once said that bad things always happen in threes, and if nothing else, yesterday was indisputable proof for me of that. not one, not two, but three guys in my life showed their true colors yesterday (read: they demonstrated their genuine douchebaggery) and thus turned me off from interacting with them anymore. one was a former flame who ignored me upon passing him on 22nd street, one was a friend with potential who brought up the "friend from home," and one was a potential date who turned out to be the biggest meathead on the planet.
i guess it's a sign that i'm beginning to accept the fact that i'm single — and, frankly, will probably be for a very long time — because i was more pissed off by what happened at the student travel agency than by any of the aforementioned manboys. you see, last march, i bought airline tickets to visit the infamous § in florida. when it turned out that i couldn't go, i was able to easily get a refund for my ticket on airtran from washington to ft. lauderdale. the return ticket, however, was more complicated. i booked it on delta, through student travel, on a flight from ft. lauderdale to new york (where i was going to see my brother in performance at carnegie hall). i called delta, in march, to try to get it refunded. they wouldn't, but they said that i could use the cost of the flight, minus a penalty fee, as a voucher toward any future flight. okay, fine. so i decided to use this voucher toward my flight home for christmas.
i went to the travel agency yesterday and told this to the agent. he rolled his eyes at me and said that i probably didn't have any voucher. but he called delta anyway and found out that i was right ("oh, really? that's surprises me," he said to the representative on the phone with an arched eyebrow). but then he crunched the numbers with me. you see, i bought the ticket for $120. delta charges a penalty fee of $75, which should leave me with $45. however, since i booked the flight through student travel they charged me their own penalty of $25. so by that time, i was down to $20, but hey it's better than nothing so i was more than willing to use it for a flight. hmm, apparently not. the agent told me that my voucher is only good for flights on the ft. lauderdale --> new york route. what the heck?!!? i have never even heard of an airline of pulling such shit like that.
by this point, i was so pissed off by the agent's negligent and cavalier attitude that i left, without even having bought my ticket to go home in december. and even though i was planning on going ahead and buying my ticket at the agency regardless, i was so ticked by the fact that the agent wasn't willing to help me out that i decided to just take care of it online at home. as someone who used to work in the service sector, i am always very put off by poor customer service, but i digress.
this incident, in conjunction with the heart attack i nearly had after seeing my visa bill for last month, made me realize the necessity of me being a little more conservative with my money. or, maybe, i need to be more reserved in general: i am sick of meeting all these guys and them turning out to be assholes, usually before anything even begins. and the best way to avoid this, of course, is not to even meet them in the first place. perhaps, then, this is the best course of action for me to take for now. for in the end, a new boy is like a roundtrip flight: he seems to be taking you somewhere at first, but in the end, you're right back where you started.
05 October 2008
does anyone else wish they were...
...another person?
...in another place?
...in another time?
(pick and choose from above, or all three together)
days since getting sick: 26.
i'm in my mom's hotel room in northern virginia right now. it's nice having her in town, but i am a little tired from running around with her these past 2 days. i've been pushing myself hard to spend time with her and now i feel yucky.
however, we went to the doctor on friday, who seems to think i'm lactose intolerant. this sucks. no more mac and cheese for me. :(
maybe i'll talk more about that later, right now i'm tired and in a sad mood at that.
...in another place?
...in another time?
(pick and choose from above, or all three together)
days since getting sick: 26.
i'm in my mom's hotel room in northern virginia right now. it's nice having her in town, but i am a little tired from running around with her these past 2 days. i've been pushing myself hard to spend time with her and now i feel yucky.
however, we went to the doctor on friday, who seems to think i'm lactose intolerant. this sucks. no more mac and cheese for me. :(
maybe i'll talk more about that later, right now i'm tired and in a sad mood at that.
02 October 2008
my mind is doing somersaults
the facebook wall-to-wall, brought to my attention by miss patty herself:
and then:
HOLY FUCKING SHIT.
why the hell did i never notice this before??!!?!?!???
and then:
HOLY FUCKING SHIT.
why the hell did i never notice this before??!!?!?!???
if you lived here, you'd be home now
days since getting sick: 23.
upon running into molly anixt on sunday at potbelly's, i learned that she had spent the summer at home, working for bay area rapid transit. although she commented that a lot of her job entailed bitch work, i still found myself jealous of her having been able to be involved in the applied concepts of city infrastructure and urban design. as many of you know, that field is what i am truly passionate about, but unfortunately, gw offers no related major. i can take relevant classes, but i can't actually get a degree in urban whatever until grad school (university of minnesota!!!!!).
that all being said, i've decided i really like my course of study. classes in the political science department feature a mish-mosh of learnings in history, geography, philosophy, sociology, international relations, even more ornate subjects like community development and organizational science. in fact, i'm even considering changing my major from public policy (a concentration within gw's political science department) to a broader major in general political science. that way, i can choose from a greater variety of courses in the department to take, rather than limit myself to ones geared toward the study of applied law/policy and toward those damn pre-law wannabes.
even so, i nonetheless find myself jealous of molly's job. while i do love working for league of conservation voters and think the things i've learned there have been invaluable - from the structure of the u.s. government to lessons in professionalism - i would really enjoy if my next internship were based more on urban development. however, i want to go home for next summer. truth be told, although i did have fun this summer (and, like i said, i learned a lot), i nevertheless wish i had gone back to california. i miss my friends and family, and i don't think i enjoy gw as much as i would have if i had gone home. of course, the question behind all this is: if i go home next summer, where would i work?? ventura county isn't exactly a bastion of transportation organizations and development-related non-profit organizations, you know (the latter being especially true, seeing as the area has adopted "slow growth" policies). i could apply to intern for los angeles metro, but their office is an hour and a half's commute away (think manassas to washington!), and my mom apparently had a lead at the city hall of thousand oaks, but i don't know too much beyond that. (i guess we can't all be lucky enough to be from the bay area!)
oh, well. i guess i've got some time to figure that all out, considering this is only the 5th week of the school year. nevertheless, i still think i want to come home to ventura county, at least for most of next summer. i've missed too much being away and i don't want to miss more... however, gw has some 6-week summer abroad programs that look pretty enticing. maybe i'll pursue one of those to complement my summer plans.
in the meantime, mom's coming into town TODAY and i can't wait to see her!!! she can't find this out because she's already in the air, but i'm going to surprise her at the airport terminal!!! :)
(this means missing sociology but i don't care, ha ha)
p.s. romeo and juliet was wicked AMAZING. the same theatre company is doing twelfth night in december and i am definitely going to that... if you wanna go with. :)
upon running into molly anixt on sunday at potbelly's, i learned that she had spent the summer at home, working for bay area rapid transit. although she commented that a lot of her job entailed bitch work, i still found myself jealous of her having been able to be involved in the applied concepts of city infrastructure and urban design. as many of you know, that field is what i am truly passionate about, but unfortunately, gw offers no related major. i can take relevant classes, but i can't actually get a degree in urban whatever until grad school (university of minnesota!!!!!).
that all being said, i've decided i really like my course of study. classes in the political science department feature a mish-mosh of learnings in history, geography, philosophy, sociology, international relations, even more ornate subjects like community development and organizational science. in fact, i'm even considering changing my major from public policy (a concentration within gw's political science department) to a broader major in general political science. that way, i can choose from a greater variety of courses in the department to take, rather than limit myself to ones geared toward the study of applied law/policy and toward those damn pre-law wannabes.
even so, i nonetheless find myself jealous of molly's job. while i do love working for league of conservation voters and think the things i've learned there have been invaluable - from the structure of the u.s. government to lessons in professionalism - i would really enjoy if my next internship were based more on urban development. however, i want to go home for next summer. truth be told, although i did have fun this summer (and, like i said, i learned a lot), i nevertheless wish i had gone back to california. i miss my friends and family, and i don't think i enjoy gw as much as i would have if i had gone home. of course, the question behind all this is: if i go home next summer, where would i work?? ventura county isn't exactly a bastion of transportation organizations and development-related non-profit organizations, you know (the latter being especially true, seeing as the area has adopted "slow growth" policies). i could apply to intern for los angeles metro, but their office is an hour and a half's commute away (think manassas to washington!), and my mom apparently had a lead at the city hall of thousand oaks, but i don't know too much beyond that. (i guess we can't all be lucky enough to be from the bay area!)
oh, well. i guess i've got some time to figure that all out, considering this is only the 5th week of the school year. nevertheless, i still think i want to come home to ventura county, at least for most of next summer. i've missed too much being away and i don't want to miss more... however, gw has some 6-week summer abroad programs that look pretty enticing. maybe i'll pursue one of those to complement my summer plans.
in the meantime, mom's coming into town TODAY and i can't wait to see her!!! she can't find this out because she's already in the air, but i'm going to surprise her at the airport terminal!!! :)
(this means missing sociology but i don't care, ha ha)
p.s. romeo and juliet was wicked AMAZING. the same theatre company is doing twelfth night in december and i am definitely going to that... if you wanna go with. :)
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