you change your mind like a girl changes clothes

it's been so long since i've written in my blog that i feel like i need to reintroduce myself. hello blog, i'm michael. nice to meet you.

as of late i've been extremely busy studying for finals and consequently unable to write. this particular round of finals is kicking my ass. it was the grace of god that allowed me to pass my chemistry final. now i've got 4 left and i'm definitely feeling the pressure.

the rest of thanksgiving was all right. not bad, not great either. i'm still disappointed that so few of my relatives materialized for thanksgiving dinner. i feel kind of silly flying clear across the country for an event which my relatives, who already live in the southland, didn't deem important enough to attend.

getting back to dc was also a drag. my plane was 2 hours late leving burbank, and so by the time i arrived in dallas, i had missed my connection. as a result, i had to wait around in dallas for a couple of hours for the next flight to dc. in the end, it took me the entire day to get back home. i hate that.

anyway, i'm pretty unenthusiastic about going back to california one week from wednesday. i mean, i was just home!! i'm pretty frightful about getting stranded at another airport, and besides, i'm not really looking forward to spending 3 ½ weeks in the golden state. i love living in the city, i don't like living with my parents, and i'll miss all my friends here in dc. plus, today's high was 32º, and I LOVE THE COLD. somehow, barbeques and swimming on christmas day doesn't appeal to me.

you see, i really don't consider going back to thousand oaks a "vacation". a vacation is something you go on to relax, have fun, and try something new. that definitely does not describe thousand oaks for me. (luckily, i found a cheap airfare to europe for joe and myself in march — $600 rountrip on virgin america!! boo yeah!!)

other than dreading going home for yet a 6th time this calendar year (my resolution for 2009 should be to go home less), i've been thinking a lot about my summer plans. logic is seemingly tell me to stay in california for the summer — you know, suck it up and live at home. i can take classes at cal state, intern somewhere in the city, even participate in those summer programs in berkeley (the location of the ihs seminar i want to attend this year) and montana that i've been dreaming out. but then i run into some problems, like: would cal state offer the courses i need? how would i be able to take on the arduous commute into los angeles, without a car of my own in one of the most car-necessary markets in america? and would i even get in to those programs if i applied? (i'm thinking i'm going to have to pass up the one in february because my dad is coming into town during that weekend, so i'd like to at least be able to do those other two.) plus, there's the ultimate question: would i be able to withstand living in thousand oaks — under my parents' roof — for 3 ½ months? moreover, i've got a life here in dc... can i really leave it behind in dc in may and then expect to be able to pick it back up in september?

in the end, it all comes down to the money. i'm starting to lack the funds to travel back and forth as much as i have. if i go to california for the summer, i stay in california for the summer. if i stay in dc for the summer, well, i stay. (except for jeffrey's graduation in june.)

i love the independence which i possess. the fact that i've got money of my own in the bank gives me a sense of security which is, well, fantastic. on the one hand, i understand that i'll forfeit a lot of this independence if i go back to california for the summer. on the other hand, summer '08 in college park might have been a fruitful affair, but it was also an expensive one, thus possibly causing me to forfeit this independence of mine down the road. although lcv paid me pretty well (in fact, i don't think i can find such a well-paying internship again), i still wound up losing more money than i made. unless i could convince dad or student loans to pay for my rent for a (less shitty) apartment this upcoming summer, it'd be economically unwise.

at least i can take solace in the fact that, in 1 ½ years, i will be a college graduate and will be able to financially support myself better... well, hopefully. ;)

in other news, i burnt my tongue on a slice of pizza 3 days ago, and it's still swollen. i'm not sure what to do about this, but it's really becoming bothersome to me.

i realized it's going to be kind of hard to find any friends of mine to live with next year because they're all going abroad. jared (my freshman roommate) and i talked long ago about living together again for our junior year, but as gabbi (his girlfriend) told me over coffee on fri., he'll be studying abroad. i'm considering becoming a house proctor or just moving off campus altogether. my friend steve and i were half-jokingly discussing living together downtown once his lease expires in july, but again, that raises questions about my summer plans.

i've seen "quantum of solace" twice, and i loved it both times. now, i need to go see "the boy in the striped pajamas". i keep noticing the book version of it on pablo's desk. i'm not sure if i should ask him if i can borrow it to read it first, especially because i've already got michael crichton's state of fear and emily brontë's wuthering heights on my queue of books to read.

i bought a new pair of jeans at the aéropostale at tyson's yesterday. i don't know why i keep on buying their shitty jeans. i need to rework my budget so that i can have the money to invest in quality clothing, rather than the rubbish i buy that unravels within months of purchase. that being said, steve wanted to buy a $50 wool cap at ruehl, which i think is ridiculous. i think he's still cross at me for not letting him buy it.

i still have a lot more review to do for my exams, but i'm going to go to bed anyway.