where does the time go?

lol at being at starbucks at 5 in the morning. a man just walked in to drop of a stack of copies of the new day's washington post. funny, it's still yesterday for me.

seriously though, i've got 2 finals on tuesday and i was notoriously unproductive throughout this weekend. where does the time go?

to that effect, i can't believe this semester is finally over. i could lie and say this semester went the way i'd have liked it to, but in reality, i didn't enjoy my classes, i became estranged from a lot of my friends, and half of it was spent sick anyway.

i've decided that, next semester, i'll be partaking in more activities that are actually on campus. frat parties, clubs, just hanging out with other students. i need to get back to having friends who are actually MY age. i've recently become aware of the condescending nature of some of my older friends. i don't really need to hear about how something going on in my life right now is similar to what you went through 7 years ago. sages are for eastern religions — i need companions in the here and now!

after these 2 finals, i'm officially halfway done with my undergraduate. where does the time go? i'm starting to realize that i need to take steps (like the ones listed above) to make the most out of my time at gwu. i really don't do that now. next semester is really the last one i'll have with my friends (since they're all studying abroad next year). spring 2009 has got to be all about the hanging out with peeps.

i guess it all comes down to the fact that i feel like i don't appreciate life enough. at this point, everything feels so mechanical and routine. sara (my "cousin" and best friend, who attends cal arts) just booked a flight for herself to visit her boyfriend in chicago over new year's. it's her first time ever on an airplane, and to be honest, i'm more excited for her to go to chicago than for myself to go to europe. why? because travel is an unfamiliar and novel concept for sara. for me, it's routine. i fly several times a year between california and dc. it's like a part of my commute. it's not exciting for me to go between the 2 locations — more than anything else, it's just a drag to have to travel so much.

in many aspects, i am jealous of sara because of her ability to partake in this "new" experience. what i consider routine and agitating, she considers fresh and exciting. with that regard, i am less excited for europe as i once was. i already travel so much — why can't i just stay here? (this is similar to my logic for opting not to study abroad: going to gwu is already like studying abroad for me!) sara is going to have a great time in chicago, which is more than i can say for me when i fly an even greater distance on wednesday to come home for christmas.

i say all this because i miss what my life was like a few years ago. i have great internships now that will significantly bolster my career later on, but i find myself missing macy's. i fly from coast to coast several times a year, but i miss staying in one place and finding it to be novel whenever i flew. i'm making great connections here in washington, with people whose acquaintanceship is of significant value in my professional life, but what happened to just having a few best friends who you could go to the mall with and tell all your secrets to?

i'm leaning more and more to summer '09 in southern california. yeah, i'll miss out on internships and connections in washington. but i can make a lot more money working in retail for a summer (or, even if i got another internship, i'd be saving $$$ by not having to pay rent). and as for connections, i've already made a lot; why not just spend time with sara (and everyone else) for a change?

i miss being a kid. (i can't believe i'm saying that.) and i miss being able to honestly assert that i enjoy life. (because i don't.) i know i said that i have "a life in dc" that i don't know if i'm willing to leave behind for a summer, but at this point, maybe that would be for the best.