musings on a rainy thursday afternoon

days since getting sick: 65.

i've been told that i devote so much of my time and energy trying to fix others' lives because i ultimately feel powerless in fixing my own, and it has not been until now that i realize the veracity of that stipulation. catherine hates her roommate, so i spent some time with her last night trying to find a suitable room to switch in to. joe recently endured a heartbreak, so i have been trying to be there for him. a certain colleague of mine hates her job, so i've been chatting with her a lot about finding a new one.

situations like these come and go out of my life on a constant basis, and yet i am still trapped with my own. like the fact that i hate bank of america, i always have, and yet i have stayed because it (up until very recently) has been the only bank with locations both in dc and in california. now, they have charged me a late fee on my visa, even though i lost my visa and the alleged "due date" took place during the period during which i had no visa card, nor any record of it on their website. once again, i'm out of some money — this time, $40. and despite my calling or e-mailing, i can't get out of this unfair charge.

or the fact that, as of one week from tomorrow, i'll be out of a job, even though i have been lauded for my successes at lcv. i haven't found a new job yet, nor have i even started applying, because i am too busy with my schoolwork and my current job.

or the fact that people keep talking to me about prop 8, even though when people do, they don't realize how much they're upsetting me. speaking of which, since when did i become the spokesperson for the gay liberation movement, anyway? (at least my pro-prop 8 friends don't have the nerve to talk to me about this.) california voted, prop 8 won. there's nothing i can do about it.

but worst of all, there's the fact that i still miss phil — not a little bit, but a whole lot — because he was the only one who could ever help me fix my own problems and convince me that everything would be all right.