you are cordially invited to the funeral of michael ross (unless you are adam)

Sabine Haddad, a resident of the Haifa district, Israel, recently applied to renew her I.D. card. It was then discovered that, at age 120, she is officially the oldest person to have ever lived, beating the previous record by 6 years. She takes daily walks, exercises, doesn't wear glasses, doesn't need a cane or a wheelchair, spends time with her 20 great-great-grandchildren, and attributes her longevity to drinking a glass of olive oil every day.

HOLYFUCKINSHIT.

Being 120 years old means she was born in 1888. This means that she has lived through both World Wars, both the rise & fall of communism, the disbanding of the British Empire (not to mention the Ottoman Empire as well), the decolonization of Africa, the standardization of using antibiotics to fight disease, the invention of nuclear weapons, the establishment of the Modern Olympic Games & the United Nations, the origination of electrical lighting... She was already 60 years old when the state of Israel was established, and over 100 when I was born. The world population has increased 4 ½ times over. And as of the election in November, she will have lived through exactly half of all U.S. presidential administrations.

So then Adam & I got to discussing: what would it be like if we were to live that long? How will the world have changed?

I have an answer: $1,397,257

That is how much, according to historical inflation trends, annual tuition at GWU will be in 2109.

And you won't qualify for any financial aid.

Me: "On second thought, I want to die early. That way, all of my friends have to come to my funeral."
Adam: "That's awful, Michael. I'm not coming to your funeral."
Me: "Fine. You weren't going to get an invitation anyway. Trevor, would you like to come to my funeral?"
Trevor: "Uhh, where's it gonna be?"
Me: "I don't know, somewhere metro-accessible though."
Trevor: "Well, if it's gonna be in California, then I'll go, 'cause that way I can make a vacation out of it."

Haha. :)

In other news, the new Caribou manager is gone, FUCK YEAH!!! Apparently corporate came in and fired his incompetent ass yesterday. Now Raz is the acting manager. I ♥ Raz, who said she's going to come to Apex with me one of these days. Yay!

Until then, I still have a fuckload of homework to do.

And I no longer have Florida to look forward to this spring break. (Maybe I'll at least make it out to Ocean City)

And then there's still the internship apps.

And someone stole my credit card information.

Fuck.